Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Males Suffer Too By Tom Boldy.

Males Suffer Too By Tom Boldy.

Depression... What exactly is it?
Depression is a low mood that lasts for a long time, and affects your everyday life. In its mildest form, depression can mean just being in low spirits. It doesn’t stop you leading your normal life but makes everything harder to do and seem less worthwhile. At its most severe, depression can be life-threatening because it can make you feel suicidal or simply give up the will to live.

Yes, this can affect males and females, all ages, all races and religions. Depression doesn’t discriminate. Research has found that 1 in 4 people will experience a mental health issue each year. Let that sink in… Now imagine being at your workplace, university lecture hall or school classroom. 1 in 4 people will be going through a mental health issue that you can’t noticeably see with the naked eye. When someone has a physical issue such as a muscle tear or broken bone, it is common practice to openly seek help to fix it. Whereas, when a person is mentally struggling it is so difficult to notice and people, especially males, tend to keep these problems to themselves and don’t seek the help they need to address the mental difficulty they are then facing in isolation.

The statistics back these words up, as;
  • Men are less likely to access psychological therapies than women. Only 36% of referrals to IAPT (Increasing Access to Psychological Therapies) are men.
  • Just over three out of four suicides (76%) are by men and suicide is the biggest cause of death for men under 35.
  • By 2030, it is estimated that there will be around two million more adults in the UK with mental health problems than there was four years ago.
  • 56% of males between 18-25 believe that anyone their age diagnosed with a mental illness would be treated differently, 55% believe they would lose friends and 51% feel embarrassed about talking about their negative thoughts and feelings.
  • 48% of people with mental health problems say they've been treated negatively as a result of stigma, according to a survey released by Time to Change today.
  • More than 50% of them lost contact with a loved one, and a fifth lost their job. 
  • 75% of young people with a mental health problem are not receiving treatment in the United Kingdom.
I have suffered with depression throughout my life, I always wondered if anyone else had the same negative thoughts rushing through their heads whilst I was at school, I was never educated on mental health and I never understood why I was feeling “different”. The main issue is that, although I was always smiling, laughing, surrounded by friends, playing football to a good standard, socialising and doing everything a popular kid would be doing throughout school. There was always a sense within myself that I needed HELP. Throughout my life I always had the view that males shouldn’t show too much emotion around other people and that opening up and talking about feelings wasn’t acceptable for a male to do. My mental health didn’t really have an effect on my daily life until I experienced more of what life is about; toxic first love relationships, deaths of family members and broken dreams. When i was in my 2nd year of university, I lived in an apartment with a friend and most evenings I would be locked away in my room after partaking in football training, socialising with my ex-girlfriend or after gruelling long days of working in retail/studying at university. I would often just lay there on my bed in total darkness, tears streaming down my face, suicidal thoughts rushing through my head, struggling to understand why I was feeling like this. The scary thing is that nobody had any clue what I was going through, and this wasn’t due to my friends or family being ignorant, it was because I refused to open up and get any sort of help from anyone.

After finally not being able to control the thoughts in my head, I had a complete breakdown, lost complete interest in football and my studies and had to have time off work. I finally spoke to my girlfriend at the time, who was a complete angel in the situation, and she helped me realise that there is always a glimmer of light in any darkness and encouraged me to open up and talk to my GP. Fast forward 16 months and I have experienced different types of medication and undertaken cognitive behavioural therapy to help control my depression. I know openly talk about my experiences and what I battle on a daily basis, not to gain sympathy, but to help other people who are struggling and feel isolated. My experiences have also created a new passion in my life, I’m currently training to become a teacher and I am actively promoting the benefits of talking about mental health. I will be delivering talks in the New Year to university tutors in Leeds, with the aim of demolishing the stigma surrounding depression and providing them with ways they can help their students. I thought my friends and family would be embarrassed of my situation and not supportive in the slightest, how I was wrong! I couldn’t ask for better friends and family than I have, and without them I wouldn’t be where I am today. It was only when I started talking to people, that I found a new perspective on life, and finally some hope. I used to constantly think that I was worthless and find negatives from every situation, but, by simply talking to people, I started to believe that maybe I was worth something too. ADMITTING YOU ARE LOW IS NOT WEAK, please reaches out to someone if you feel like you are experiencing similar things in your life.

The main aim of this blog is to try and encourage and make YOU aware that, no matter what you are dealing with in your mind, YOU ARE NOT ALONE and if you seek help, you will be supported and begin the journey to shaping your future and mental wellness. If anyone reading this would like to contact me, I am willing to help, friends or strangers. My inbox is always open and I won’t judge. Below are my social media platforms that you can contact me on for questions that need answers, advice on situations or just general first point of contact for your journey at improving your mental health.

Thank you for taking time to read this, Tom.

Social media platforms:
Facebook: Tom Boldy

Instagram: tomboldy95

Twitter: TBoldy95

Males Suffer Too By Tom Boldy.



  1. Wow what a great post Tom. So open and honest. I love it so much. This will help a lot of people. Thanks so much for sharing and keep writing ✍️ 😊😊😊

  2. This was such a good post to read and one that will help alot of people. I have shared it on Twitter and will keep sharing it!


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